February 14, 2017

What It Means to Truly Love

Wildschuetz / Pixabay

When I proposed to my then-girlfriend almost four years ago, I was pretty sure that getting married was what I wanted in life.

Between then and the day I finally got married, I went through a wringer.

Preparing for a wedding involves logistics and factors that fiancé and fiancée have to endure. I believe this part of the matrimonial process is a litmus test for couples to see whether or not they can make it to the end.

Decisions need to be made together, like the color to be used on the guests’ tables. Or the succession of food that will be served to the starving visitors after the ceremonies take place. Not to mention, you need to cram in your friends, family members, and loved ones to a limited guest list. You will need to invite the very best of friends and leave out some who can’t make the cut.

Making decisions together only shows that they are fully equipped for marriage in the long run.

At this point, all I knew was that I love her very much and want to get over the wedding preparation as fast as possible. I left out the nuance of making democratic decisions and sometimes went rogue on them, which is a big mistake. This is just one of the many fumbles I took while I clawed and crawled my way to the finish line that is our wedding day.

It’s a rude awakening that serves as foreshadowing to how successful marriages work. Couples share, work together, and are in sync like a well-oiled machine. They fight and argue for the very things that destroy the notion of togetherness, which is normal. Ultimately, you need to learn how to work as a team to make things work.

These things didn’t come naturally to me. Everything felt like a steep learning curve that stretches as far as my imagination can dream. Marriage is an exercise of patience, of willingness to change for the better, and of becoming the best person you can possibly be. To an extent, I’ve achieved some of it, but it’s never a done deal.

Love is dynamic. You are forced to ride its ebb and flow. You can never remain complacent and rest on your laurels. One false move and you will disrupt its harmony.

You need to be love in order to love.

You need to submit to love. You need to give your all, or else it won’t work. You need to feel tired by imposing your will to love but at the same time feel energized because of its rewards. You need to let yourself cry because you failed at love or be angry because something’s not working.

You need to be all that you can so you can be that one thing you want the most.

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