February 11, 2017

Let’s Talk About the Past

Holgi / Pixabay

Looking back at the past is like staring long hard in the mirror. You can see flashbacks of your life that once was, but you can only experience glimpses of it. You can no longer fully immerse yourself into what happened, but only revel at the idea of the events that took place.

That same concept applies to looking at yourself in the mirror. You can see the scars on your face from a skin that grew tired of growing acne all of a sudden. You can see the crow’s feet on both sides of the eyes that weren’t there before. You can easily see the receding hairline which is a premonition of your battle against hair loss shortly. At least for me.

Time is a human-made construct. There is no time. Life events are not conveniently compartmentalized into past, present, and future. Everything is interconnected. What happened back then has a profound effect on how you live life in the now and the coming days.

Looking back at the Magical Tumbong and the shitty posts I’ve written throughout the years, I can confidently say that I am the same person that I was before. I’m still a damn idiot who has probably wasted his education by studying one of the most worthless courses in the history of man. I’m still the guy who spent his early adult life chasing invisible brass rings and false goals. Some of the posts I’ve written are painful and embarrassing memories that will forever define me.

At the same time, my weakness is my beauty, as all of us. Our lack and incapacity drive us to strive for something greater in life. The realization that the only thing we can understand in this world is that we cannot understand everything is a sobering truth that should put us back in our place.

I had no fucking idea I would get married to an awesome wife, father an amazing daughter, be supported by my family all the way through, have a group of tightly knit friends who will always have my back, and become a freelancer with aspirations of something greater in mind. But it happened anyway, regardless of the shit that happened to me and the shit that I am.

So for those reading now, I’d like to introduce to you my past. Below are links to posts I have written throughout the years that reflect who I was, am, and will be as a person. I think it’s best that you get to know me this way for reasons I’ve already mentioned. Because at my worst, I believe am I am still the best because I did things my way and I’m better off it.

  • The Year that Should Have Been – This piece was written during a low point in life. Granted, I normally wrote on my blog back then because of something terrible happening, but this is one that easily stands out. This pretty much laid the groundwork on the person I want to become but couldn’t at that time.
  • Two Weddings and an Empty Room – I wrote this piece when the last of my two sisters got married. It felt like an emotional post but it really wasn’t. I still ended up seeing them on a regular basis because they lived close by. Still, the idea of a room that they once occupied when we were younger is now empty goes to show how fleeting life can be.
  • 3 Jobs I Respect Because I Don’t Have the Courage to Do Them – I love this post because it’s true.
  • Band Matters – I have mentioned time and again and I was once part of a heavy metal band. This is by no means a bragging right because I’m not really good at playing guitar. But I will always have a soft spot for the band I played for and what it meant to me.
  • Communication Breakthrough – I hate this post which is why I have to share it. It’s a rambling about myself and my life’s worth. Again, this is coming from a low point so forgive me for the very negative tone of the article.
  • The Wedding – This is the documentation that serves as the culmination of everything I worked for. Making a wedding happen takes shedding buckets of blood, sweat, and tears. But we did it, and I’m all the better for it.

Looking at these posts makes me feel stupid about the things I’ve written, with the exception of the last one. They’re embarrassing and awful at the same time. But again, I stand by them. Because if I don’t, then what kind of person am I?

How about you? How do you see yourself in relation to your past? Do you feel hindered by the person you once were or do you use your past as fuel to the kind of person you want to become? Let’s talk about it by sharing your thoughts below!

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