- 2012 was heaps and bounds better than 2011, for reasons I’ll never disclose. Over the past few years, I’ll finally given up on expectations and just let things flow, as the Chinese philosophy “wei-wu-wei” would say. It’s all about adjusting to the situations you’re put into instead of trying to bullishly force and plow your ways to what you want. Because I never get what I want all the time. Compromise is my calling card, as I have to bend front and back to maintain a tenuous balance in between the lives I live (professional, personal, romantic, familial, etc.). It’s never easy, but I happen to make it work, just so you know.
- The band has stagnated throughout the years. I would like to take this opportunity and put some of the blame to myself, as I’d been terribly absent throughout most of our post-gig shenanigans and pre-gig collaborations. Worse of all, I have been awful throughout the entire recording process, I had to get the other guitarist play some of my parts to get it right on the album, which, by the way, has yet to be released. After three years in the production stage, it seems like a project that is bound to go to waste.
Things turned out for the worst when the guitarist decided to leave the band because we’ve been playing the same set every gig for the past two years. You can’t fault the guy for making the choice, although I heavily criticize his decisions, as he’s left before only to come back when he found it convenient.
Now that he’s gone, I feel the brunt of being a guitarist even more, as I don’t have the other guitarist carry me every time I make a mistake every gig. This is a good thing because it makes me want to work even harder and prove to myself and the music we play that I’m committed to making good music. On the other hand, I’ll have to make more compromises just to make way for this commitment.
Either way, I feel that my time in being in a band is coming to an end. I just want the first album to be released already just so we can be other with that. It’s about fucking time, man. Also, I’ll probably want to release an EP of 5-6 songs just so we can test this new lineup and see where it goes. If I don’t see this going any way but successful, or if I’m about to put my other plans going, then I will and must quit this band. Hard as it seems, but it is necessary.
- School is shite. Always been. But when you’re in the class with a teacher committed to sharing his or her critical analyses about a novel or a primary text, it is difficult not to be overcome by delusions of grandeur of making great papers and analyses myself throughout the entire course of the program. It is a love-hate relationship, indeed.
Despite my personal feelings towards school, I feel I owe it to the people who raised me to at least get this over with and just graduate and finish the course. I love literature, don’t get me wrong, but I detest approaching books outside the lenses of being entertained and satisfied. My teachers have said this before, that if you’re in the program just because you like reading books for the sheer pleasure of it, then you’re stupid as hell. Color me stupid, then.
- There was one point when I was in Abra taking my Christmas vacation, that I think I should explore job opportunities that would help me earn more money in the process. I thought about one of my former colleagues was dropped from our previous employers because they don’t have any need for him anymore. As people have said, employees are merely replaceable spokes on a wheel that turn their money-making machine. Sooner or later, I will be disposed of like a wet dishrag because I’m not doing what they want me to do or I don’t fit in their plan.
All of a sudden, I remembered why I haven’t lasted more than two years with all of the companies I’ve worked for. It’s like lack of commitment, in addition to some poor professional choices in retrospect, that has prevented from moving my way up to the proverbial totem pole. I’m plodding my way out of the middle of the pack to greener pastures, and I think that moving out from my current work is a poor decision. Current employer, if you’re reading this now, please make it worth my while. I really need it.
- I have lots of thoughts about love and relationships that I’ve bottled up inside me ever since. I keep my personal and non-personal things separate because my life is not for public viewing. That includes the life I share with my Beloved. However, I’ve done moves to rectify that. I think that being able to express how you feel toward your beloved is an act that consummates your love. Soon, the world will know what I’m talking about.