…of some sort.
In the middle of 2008, I decided to shut down Damned in Blue and created in its place this blog site that you are currently enduring to read in agony. Writing on the Tumbong is a turning-a-new-leaf moment for me, as the Damned carried a lot of baggage that I was able to unpack and shelved in their proper drawers from my past, so there was no reason to write on a blog that dwelt on memories already set in stone. Thus, from the ashes of the great deep emerged this shiny new asshole of a blog. Now, if you could only visualize the image of a huge, clenched asshole rising like a glorious phoenix, emblazoned with hope and redemption, or in this case, shit and giggles.
However, before I nailed the final coffin on the Damned during that time, I downloaded all the blog posts via the “Export Posts” option on the backend of the blog. The truth is, I can’t erase them. It’s like deleting the contact of your best friend, whom you’ve shared awesome things with in the past but is currently living at a distant place, from your e-mail and phone book.
Therefore, it was only a matter of time before I eventually dust off the old posts and publish them again, which I eventually did almost three years after.
I like comparing similars. I like putting Megadeth and Metallica side by side to see which band emerges on top after Mustaine fled to form a more technical and intricate take of music that he played with Hetfield and Co. back in the day (“Tornado of Souls”. ‘Nuff said). Same with my guitar playing compared to my band-mate’s chops (he wins by a landslide, by the way). In relation to that, after recovering the Damned posts, I will now be able to compare Tumbong with my previous blog.
Turns out, after skimming through some of the posts, I deem myself as a better and more realized writer before than today. Maybe it had to do with the attractive web design of the blog or maybe because, as most poets would claim, depression and depravity fuels the mind to flights of artistic and creative fancy. But I just enjoyed reading the Damned. After having published this entry, I would come back to read them again and recall the things that happened in the past.
Let’s face it: I think that, at some point in our lives, we have to turn back to the past and use it as a barometer on how far we’ve come to be. After all, the past is merely a present that happened moments ago, so it’s not like we are totally removed from what we were eons ago. And as far as following the continuous progress towards fulfillment, the regression of my professional life continues to scald my flesh. I think I’ve covered this aspect on my previous post, but the revelation of the Damned may have deepened the wound inflicted by my own actions, or lack thereof.
Somehow, the urgency for life has sputtered and the drive slowed down to first gear. This isn’t what I bargained for.Where’s the swagger, man? Where’s the fucking mojo in me that carried the I’m-bored-because-I’m-better-than-you mantra?